Yesterday and this morning I felt gray…at least I felt like what I think gray might feel like. Blah. Empty. Unmotivated. Joyless.
I literally cried out to God as I drove to work and asked Him why I felt this way. There are no new or extenuating circumstances that justified this grayness. It felt terrible…lonely…sad. Even the uplifting music on the radio did not pull me up out of this grayness.
I went on in to work, and sat down at my computer. I began my work, but with an emptiness that was overwhelming.
I left work to meet a friend for lunch. As per usual, my radio was playing 106.9 The Light, and Dr. David Jeremiah was on. His topic? “How Can One Book Change My Life” Part 2 (Psalm 19) about the Bible. He went on to say that the Psalmist says the Word will:
- restore your soul
- refresh your inner life
- deal with your soul, the REAL you
- renew your mind
- make you wise
- rejoice your heart
I don’t know about you, but I could sure use all of that! And I know it to be true in my own life, already!
I felt like God was speaking directly to me through Dr. Jeremiah, answering the question I had asked Him this morning….”Why do I feel this way???” You see, I hadn’t been in the Word since Monday evening. And no, I don’t think God was punishing me. I liken it to physical exercise. When your body becomes accustomed to a certain level of physical exercise, and then it misses a couple of days, it doesn’t feel good (or so I’m told by those who actually exercise :-)). You see, God has recently given me an almost insatiable desire for His Word. And I’ve been in there spending time and absorbing Him through His Word on a pretty regular basis. It has brought me much joy and excitement. But yesterday, I didn’t make time to do that. And so came the gray. But after hearing Dr. Jeremiah remind me of the impact God’s Word has on me, I honestly felt relief…for it became clear to me that this time, the gray came because I was missing my Father! I’m not saying that’s the cause of gray for everyone all of the time, because I know it’s not. But this time, yes, this time, it was!
So for now, the gray is gone…and replaced with colors of joy (at least in KathyLand).
Psalm 19:7-9
The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the LORD is sure,
making wide the simple;
the precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
enlightening the eyes…
I hope that if you are experiencing some gray, you will turn to the Word of God, and be refreshed and renewed.